No really, that’s what happened.

But rest assured, any time anyone talks about how weird Japanese pop culture can get, Tarako lives on in spirit

(Besides, it’s not like we haven’t found new FREAKY ad-based songs for Awesomely Bad. Crackers, anyone?)

(Historical Notes: I wrote this imagining it being read by Jeff Goldblum, but a reader apparently took it as being Morgan Freeman… which I like a lot better.)